Sex With My Ex-Husband

by - 6:00 AM


Dear Dr. Gilda, 

My ex-husband and I divorced 5 years ago, but we never stopped being a couple, and I thought we got along well. Last summer I was working 3 jobs to pay for our youngest child’s college education, because my ex-husband had recently lost his job. 

While I was busy working, he decided I didn't have enough time for him, and he took up with another woman. They have been seeing each other now for 4 months. He says he has deep feeling for her, but he still wants to spend time with me, too. He tells me he loves me. He and I secretly get together 5 or 6 times a week for sex, and to talk and spend time together.

This is really tearing me up. I know I shouldn't put up with this treatment. I am a good person. I don't deserve to be treated this way, and I told him so. And I don't feel like I did anything to cause him to start going out with this other woman. I am so hurt and confused.

Why do you think he seems reluctant to cut ties with me, but at the same time, risk losing what he says he has with this other woman? I don't know what the right thing to do is. It would be easier if I didn't love the jerk.



Dear Torn,

You’re asking the wrong question.  It’s not why this “jerk” is still involved with you, but why YOU are still involved with this “jerk.”  OK, you have a child in common and you had a life you shared together when you were married.  But you’re not married any longer.  Why are you still so attached to him?  Why won’t you let go?  If things had been so sensational between the two of you, you would never have gotten divorced.  Deal with the realities and assess what you really have.  Is the sex and companionship worth being so torn up and upset? When the pain becomes greater than the rewards, you will redefine your expectations and choose a set-up either with your ex or without him that makes you feel better. 

Dr. Gilda 


If someone is keeping you a secret, he doesn’t deserve to be in your life!  Every lover deserves to be out in the open where her honey can display how proud of her he is!

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