Q.

After being married for 23 years, I asked my husband for a separation six months ago. I listed things so we both knew what the other one would be trying to fix. We kept in touch, but he had not made the effort to seek counseling. When he would ask about us, I would say I didn't know yet. It was hard for me not to let him return home because I love him dearly. Recently, I discovered that he’s seeing someone else. He said he's dating because all he ever heard from me is, “I don't know yet.” I told him to divorce me now because he has disrespected our vows and me. I feel betrayed! I thought we could get past our issues. How can he turn off 23 years of feelings and move on so quickly? Please help! —Separate But Unequal

A.

Dear Separate,

Lady, what kind of mind games are you playing? You demanded a separation, forced hubby out of the house, outlined his problems, and dictated what he must do to re-enter. When he obediently asked “When?,” you said you “didn’t know yet.”

I don’t recommend dating during separation because that’s when introspection should trump licking wounds with another body. But you’re playing the injured and betrayed wife after manipulating this showdown.  Girlfriend, you can’t control a mate!  Every couple has issues, but those who thrive solve them TOGETHER. To answer your question, the reason hubby could quickly turn off 23 years with you was that he finally located a pair of scissors to clip his puppet strings.

—Dr. Gilda