Am I Accepting Less Than Treatment?

by - 5:00 AM

*Original Content by Dr. Gilda Carle


I love my boyfriend very much, and we've been together for 10 months. His ex cheated and was mentally and physically abusive, and he was with her for 2 1/2 years. They broke up, he was distraught, and he tried to win her back, but she had already moved on to someone else. He keeps pictures of her, and constantly checks her Instagram account.

He's very good to me. We talk about a future together, and he tells me he loves me more than he ever loved her, but I feel he’s still in love with her. It’s not fair to me to be the consolation prize. I question if he wants me only because she doesn’t want him. We jumped into this relationship quickly. I've only had one other guy at it lasted six years.  He died a year after we broke up. I started dating my current boyfriend when I was still grieving. I think I’m putting up with a lot because I’m scared to be alone.

—Accepting Less Than I Should


Dear Accepting Less,

At the beginning, you and your boyfriend were both needy for love, and became a matched set with grief in common. My Gilda-Gram cautions, “Beware the mate that projects, ‘Desperate looking for Pathetic.’” This warning escaped you. Now the lust dust has settled, and you’re wisely pondering your relationship’s shelf life. Of course you’re upset that your guy is still holding a torch for his ex. But he, too, should be wary of your hanging in because you’re “scared to be alone.”

Neither of you has recovered from your histories. Seek counseling to understand why, and to grow beyond your ghosts. It’s essential to guard that ten desperate months don’t morph into ten pathetic years.

—Dr. Gilda

Do you agree with Dr. Gilda’s advice? Do you have your own? Share it in the comments below.

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