Q.

 I'm one of those "nice guys" who gets complimented on the way he treats the woman he's with, and women in general. However, I always end up getting the soul crushing, "you're a nice guy, but not for me" good-bye; the "there's someone out there for you, but it's not me" statement or the "I love you, but not that way" speech. Each feels like an acid-dipped knife slowly being twisted in my wound.

What does it take to be more than the "too-nice-to-date" guy friend who wears his heart on his sleeve, but never gets to be the boyfriend?  Do I have to become the heartless guy that women seem to swoon over?

—Nice Guys Finish Last

A.

Dear Nice Guy,

Here’s the Dr. Gilda nice guy mantra:

You identify yourself as someone who “wears his heart on his sleeve.” Kill that description! It positions your heart for personal nose-wiping and brow-mopping—and housekeeping is not the intended purpose of your precious fourth chakra.

The options of being either a rejected victim or “heartless” are harsh extremes. You’re intentionally attracting unlikely partners to confirm your feelings as a loser in love.  Dude, swallow a dose of self-regard, and cease struggling so hard. Inspiration, not desperation, is what attracts. When you’re fully equipped with a sturdy spine, appropriate women will join your fan club.

—Dr. Gilda