Bill Clinton left the presidency with questions about the meanings of once-understood words. One of them was the "F" word, "friend." For cheaters and commitment-phobes alike, this protective cover provides a womb with a view for men, offering an escape from involvement. For women, it provides an image of indifference, suggesting an appearance of nonchalance.

The "Harry-Met-Sally" school claims the inevitable sexual tension between our plugs and outlets will forever push the genders to mate. So some platonics patiently maintain "friendships" not just because they like each other, but because they harbor a concealed hope that their cordiality will eventually give way to passion. Oh, can that ever be a set-up for pain! That's not to say that love affairs should not begin as friendships. In fact, one of my Gilda-Gram mantras is "Friends first, lovers later." But that presumes the "let's-see-what-happens" agreement is mutual.

For sure, this friend thing needs definition. Maybe we should examine the minds of the commitment-phobes throwing the term around. A study from Johns Hopkins University suggests that temporary amnesia is a potential side effect of top-down sex. (Men's Health says that the number of manly thrusts required for a 10-minute sex session is a whopping 500!) My published analysis of American Woman Magazine's national sex survey found that females most favored this man-on-top thrusting position. So now we know why some men bearing down can't remember what women underneath can. Like, perhaps, who's a "friend" and who's a "lover."

Okay, okay, I know that as we age, "girlfriend" and "boyfriend" seem trifling, and "significant other" is contrived. So the F-word may be a quick fix for relationships just beginning. However, in already-established partnerships, there's often one person galled by the term's use. Like the woman introduced as "my friend" by the guy with whom she's been living for three years, or the lovestruck man called "my friend" while meeting the husband of the woman with whom he's having an affair.

Feeling "betrayed" was Gail's description of her two-year relationship with Lee. Fed up with being relegated to the status of a buddy, she decided to play Lee's own words back for him to hear. As she headed to the airport for a business trip, she was picked up by a driver she had known for years. When Lee walked her to the car, she introduced the driver as a "friend" to her "friend" Lee. For the first time, Lee heard that he and the driver were now on the same casual footing. Lee stammered, "I'm not Gail's friend. I'm her boyfriend," a term he had adamantly protested using as being too juvenile for an adult male. Suddenly, Lee was confronted with his own medicine-and he didn't like it one bit.

Let's remove the F-word from our love lives. This would bust male amnesia, unveil female pride, and move relationships to their next stage. Truth in advertising? What a refreshing concept for relationships!